Wednesday, December 1, 2010

My mother tried to kill us

It's taken me a couple of days to recover from this but now that I have, I had to share with you the situation.  My mother decided to put her entire family out of their misery (or maybe she decided to end hers?) by killing us all on the same day.

The woman who has a nose to rival mine, which rivals that of the best bloodhounds, blissfully ignored the scents in her home and wafting out the front door on Thanksgiving Day.

We arrived Thursday mid-day to her condominium and looked at each other in wonder.  "Was that smell coming from Mom's house?" We questioned each other?  We got in the house, wished her a Happy Thanksgiving, then asked her what the smell was.

She wondered if it was the kitty litter Dad just took out to the garbage but no, it was too strong.  Then she finally wondered aloud if it was the turkey and then said she thought it was.  Uh, yeah Mom, play like you care now. That bird was almost cooked to the end. If you had meant to keep us safe you would have chucked it a while ago.    Thank goodness our own noses thwarted her! HA, take THAT mom!  We didn't want the Butterball Turkey anyway.

We took the bird and stuffing out to the back deck, shut the door and opened all other doors and windows to air the place out. Then we called around, found a almost completely thawed bird at a nearby store and went and bought it.  A water bath finished the thawing, some cutting and chopping produced a stuffing and we stuffed the bird, threw it in the oven and drank our afternoon away while it cooked.

(Oh yeah, and we Skyped Ms. Pyjamas - she's a follower and friend of mine and if you haven't visted her blog yet, get on over there. I met her husband via Skype, I thought it only fair she met my crazy family, too. I'll leave it to her to comment on first impressions. Let's just say, it wasn't pretty.)

Despite Mom's failed attempt at mass murder, my sisters and I took her with us to go shopping on Black Friday where, if you read this long, you now learn I SNAGGED the last GO cutter (not the baby but the regular one) for $200 at JoAnn's. They were on sale from $350 and I called hubby and he said, "Merry Christmas."  WOO-HOO!

Now, because dinner ended up fantastic, mom had plenty of wine on hand to assuage our indignity at her Agatha Christie plot, because mom made me go to JoAnn's so she could get me the pinking shears I asked for Christmas, and because I ended up with a GO cutter (only one die so far), I have decided the weekend worked out alright in the end and I love my Mother anyway.

So, a Happy belated Thanksgiving all and to my Mother, better luck next time. We outsmarted you this round! 

Cheers! Beck

4 comments:

Barb said...

Glad you all survived the holidays and no worse for the ware....

What fun gifties....I look forward to your creations and well...you can come and borrow some of my dies....or just stay and play....or I can come and play? Can I???

Quilting in My Pyjamas said...

You are slow , Ive been telling EVERYONE the story of your mother's poisoning attempt for almost a week. It was so funny, because I got to "be there". I loved your family , and the way you all responded to the situation was hilarious. I think wine kills germs so thats probably why even the fumes from that rancid turkey didnt affect you...

Now what am I going to get out of your go cutter fortune? Those things are like 600-1000 bucks here so Im never getting one.

Regina said...

For a second there I thought you had a loco mother like mine. ha ha

Glad you all survived.

StitchinByTheLake said...

So funny! But not funny - could have been a disaster. :( Love that you got the Go for $200 though; now that's Christmas. :) blessings, marlene