Thursday, August 5, 2010

Weight sucks... when you are trying to lose it

Alright. I mentioned in Dec, Jan. and Feb. I was losing weight, right? Well, I didn't bother. I let it all go. I didn't lose weight. Well I did but then I gained that 5 lbs back.

I always knew one day I'd reach that point where I wasn't happy with myself when I looked in the mirror. Admittedly, it took me longer to get there than I previously suspected but I can no longer pretend my body looks like anything other than it does.

You see, my body image has always been BETTER than my real body. It's a flaw, really. What can I say? lol I'm a bikini model in my mind's eye. At least, I was a little bit of a soft bikini model. I have to be realistic, you know.  -wink-

So anyway, here's the stats. The confessional... the stuff you don't care about but I'm going to say anyway.

I'm 5'2".  I weigh 162lbs.  I'm 36 years old. I work from home, on the computer. I sit most of the time.  My endurance is no longer good but sucks. Otherwise, I'm generally in good health.

This is me now at the hubs change of command ceremony.  BTW, that's the hubs. -grin-

Look close, you will see a lower chin. You can see a shadow of cleavage (I only have cleavage if I'm overweight or pregnant and I'm not pregnant!) The arm? Well, it's definately bigger than it used to be. Softer... dare I say, flabbier?  I do. I did, see? Flabbier.  And see where those hands are? they are folded over a belly, that you can see it has a little roundness. You can see the same in the rear, too.  And that's even wearing 2 inch heels! What I see when I look at this is me becoming a short round person. Like one of the fairy godmothers in Snow White. tee-hee 

This is me a few years ago. Decent enough legs, decent enough arms... no extra chin or belly. Not exactly rail thin but that's just fine and always has been with me. More healthy, even a bit athletic. I liked that body.  (And I'm sorry but I don't have many in between pictures. I'm usually the one behind the camera.)

So, in an effort to get back to the way I was, I'm REALLY making an effort.  Counting points on Weight and tracking my exercise, which is really the benefit to the online tracking for me.  All that said, I started today.

I had breakfast, 2/3 of an egg and cheese croissonwich from Burger King... did you realize that's 5 points? That's okay. I can eat that stuff if I'm watching elsewhere.

So, I had this for lunch. I added the chicken today but the rest was a simple salade from last night. 2 points.  I have 14 points left to use tonight for a real meal.  Good thing. I want ice cream for dessert and I'm hungry. Are you really surprised?

Okay, so weight sucks... when you are trying to lose it.  So why bore you? Well, you were handy to torment. I needed to be honest so I threw it up here. No more, no less. If you've read this far, thanks for suffering through. If you are inclined to comment I don't need to lose weight, please don't.  I feel I need to lose it and am too easily swayed to be lazy if someone says I don't. I'm weak! LOL

So if anyone wants to join me, feel free. I am going to try to post my weekly weight here along with progress on exercice. Just a couple sentences at one point throughout the week. Not a big long post like this. 

And there it is. Have a good afternoon everyone. I'm off to plan my dinner.

Cheers! Beck


Rita E said...

Bravo to you for being so honest in your post! Seems that recently many bloggers are thinking about their weight and wanting to lose some of it. Could that be because we spend so much time on the computer?! Anyway, I just joined Stephanie at A Ditchin' Time Quilts who is having a weekly weigh in. It's a small group for now but the goal is to encourage each other and share our journey. Perhaps you'd like to check it out. I'm just starting so we'll see how much I can lose by next week. But I'd certainly like to join you in your journey!

Chris said...

Congratulations on taking the plunge! There's a bunch of doing Wednesday Weigh Ins together. You're welcome to join us. Its great to have the extra encouragement. See:

pirate said...

Kudos to you for at least being realistic about the situation!

I, too, have a better mental body image than what is reflected in the mirror.

Last September, after my MD told me that I was pre-diabetic, which absolutely scared the bejesus outta me, I started counting calories. I was pretty good about it and by November I had lost 25 lbs.

I absolutely felt better ... my feet didn't hurt when I walked and I could fit into my "smaller" clothing (which isn't to say it was a "small" size, just smaller than what I used to wear).

Then Thanksgiving came. And family birthdays. And Christmas. I maintained status quo .. and was pretty pleased about that.

BUT ... since then (and if you are counting, that means *7* months have gone by), I haven't lost a doggone pound because I haven't been as diligent as I once was.

Why? Well, dang it .. food tastes good. And the really good-tasting food has about a bazillion calories.

And since I'm a sedentary creature, I don't use up a whole lotta calories doing desk work or sewing. :-(

BUT .. I am realistic about my situation too ... and realize that I need to do more physical stuff to use up those calories, as well as return to counting calories.

So, I'm with ya, in spirit if not in reality. :-)

Shevvy said...

Its always seemed to me its about knowing when the right time is to tackle loosing weight. It sounds like the right time for you.
I always had the opposite problem, in my head I was a lot bigger than I really was. I look back at photos when I was in my early 20s and now realise I looked good. However because I never accepted that I've managed to turn myself into the blob I always thought I was!
It will have to be dealt with soon, but I'm not quite there yet and I know I will just fail if I'm not ready and eat even more for comfort!
I'm sure you will feel a lot better about yourself in a few months. Don't forget to enjoy it when you get there!

Brenda said...

I think you look fabulous - in all of your pics. Just be healthy and love yourself.