Today is weird, why? Jillian Michaels. She's turned me into an awful, mean, foul-mouthed person. Okay, I've always ben that way, she just brings it out in me. Do you remember this post about losing weight? I did very little but check my eating after that post. No real exercise, then eventually the good eating slid too, I'd think, "so what? I'm okay like this." Well, I hit another "stop it and get healthy again you jerk," moment and am starting anew. I WILL keep it going this time and I've started by getting the exercise train going in with the eating healthier train. I bought 2 DVDs, both by Jillian Michaels from the Biggest Loser. The first one is "30 Day Shred" and I started on Sunday the other is a Yoga one that I hope to start in a week or so. Below is a description of how it is going.
Here's the deal, if you don't like posts full of curse words, STOP reading as soon as this paragraph ends. Skim until you see the next portion of this post where I've written, "SAFE TO READ" and read from that portion to the end of the blog. I thought about sugar-coating but frankly, it just won't do it justice.
Paraphrasing (and it's still long, be warned):
JM: Hi I'm Jillian Michaels and I'm going to walk you through a 4 part, 20 minute routine. 2 minutes to warm up, 3, 6-minute sessions which incorporate both strength and cardio training.
Me: Cool. Got it and ready to go.
-warm-up commences, I'm starting to feel a little winded- (Sad, isn't it?)
JM: let's start with jumping jacks.
Me: no problem
JM: If you are looking for a modified version of jumping jacks, look elsewhere you can handle it. I have 400 lb people who can do jumping jacks, so can you.
Me: -huff- clever, laying on the guilt right off but I wasn't looking for a modified version so there.
JM: pushups. keep back straight. Keep your core tight.
Me: alright, I'm okay. a little hard but not too bad.
JM: Squat and press
Me: Yeah, I've got it. Tired but still good. This isn't so bad. Tight abs, breath... yeah, I'm good.
JM: repeat back to push-ups
Me: shit, that hurts, dang, my arms are shaking
JM: I want every single second of this workout to count. You don't get to do a 20 minute workout with taking a break, I really want you to push
Me: okay, fine
JM: Back into squat and press
Me (thinking): Breath in, breath out.
JM: If you need to take no more than a 5 second rest.
Me: good
JM: The reason we don't want you to rest is we want your body to change as quickly as possible and in order to do that we put stress on it. That's how things change, by putting stress on your body, it will adapt.
Me: fine, fine. no rest.
JM: 2 min. of cardio, jumping jacks
Me: groan
JM: I designed it this way to get as lean as possible in shortest amount of time.
Me: whatever
JM: jump rope. Keep core tight, arms at 90 degrees
Me: shut up.
JM: jumping jacks
Me: bitch
JM: It might be hard now but you will find if you are diligent with thisyour body will change, jump rope.
Me: I hate you.
JM: babbles about body change
Me: (contemplating if I passed out, could I get back up in 5 seconds.)
JM: to the floor, basic crunch
Me: few, cardio sucks
JM: good, breath in and out
Me: I got this.
JM: reverse cardio for transverse abs (baby pouch)
Me: cool, alright... shit! Fuck, that's hard
JM: get up, dumbell roll
Me: thank god, yes, this I can do...squeeze shoulders. What? back flat? form?
JM: lunge and bicep curl, have to do both b/c not enough stress just to work biceps. Not an efficient workout.
Me: yeah, I get that, still hate you.
JM: keep at it.
Me: my leg hurts, fuck off
JM: no resting right back into dumbell rows 2 things I want to show you...
Me: really, stop fussing about my form, it's easier when my form sucks.
JM: almost there, finish with more lunge and curls.
Me: ARGH, who are you? Okay, breath
JM: I know it's hard, I get it, it's not easy but if we are going to make big promises to you, we have to deliver and if you want those results, you have to fight for it.
Me: okay, fight... can do, not done yet.
JM: Good. when it hurst the most, push through. that's when change is going to happen. now, 2 minute cardio, butt kicks.
Me: hmm, nope, can't kick my own ass but is that a goal I want to work toward?
JM: sink low and punches
Me: fuck, my legs
JM: butt kicks we aren't done yet.
Me: you are a bitch, look at you, you aren't that toned, who are you to tell me. Why did I buy this DVD?
JM: This is going to replace hours in the gym.
Me: stop answering my questions and thoughts, fucker. I don't care how many you've trained back into shape.
JM: 20 min. If you think you are going to die, stay with Anita (who's showing the modified moves but she's still butt kicking)
Me: yeah, don't think I didn't notice you acknowledged I thought I was going to die and basically just told me to keep going, I'm on to you. I hate you.
JM: 30 second, punches. Let's go. Don't stand up,
ME: I want to
JM: The deeper you can get with those legs, the better off.
Me: Fine, I'll quit bitching
JM: Hang in there, are you feeling it? I know I am.
Me: Great, just crush my belief that once I'm in shape this won't hurt so much. Fuck
JM: back to the mat
Me: yes, sit-ups were relaxing all things considered.
JM: cross crunches.
Me: breath, breath, correct form...
Me: this hurts more than last time. I'm really tired. Ow, ow, ow, breath,ow.
JM: Over to Anita, look at these abs. Aren't these amazing abs?
Me: yes
JM: Don't you want these Abs?
Me: Yes
JM: I know I want them and I'd do just about anything to get them
Me: ugh
JM: This doesn't come for free and you have to fight for this, I don't want you to stop. Push through this.
Me: Bitch... (said as I'm breathing out with each curl) I'm... pushing... through... I... hate... you.
JM: Chest flies with the weights.
Me: Oh thank God. the one exercise I've always been good at thanks to my swim days. Push yourself, squeeze, Beck.
JM: Stand up. Arm raises with side lunge.
Me: interesting, okay...
Me: DAMN, what the hell? How do I make my leg bend when it's refusing to?
JM: to the floor and chest flies. This is your recovery, the weight is going down but still controlling those muscles.
Me: got it. clever.
JM: Back up, side lunges.
Me: Got it, I know what to expect, I can do this. Good form, HOLY HELL.
JM: Almost done for strength and then this is going to be it for work out one
Me: Phew, I can do that
JM: Hang in there
Me: shut up, I said I can do that. and now 2 min. of cardio?
JM: jumping jacks
Me: argh
JM: I know you are tired and just want to stop right now and shut off this DVD, don't even think about it.
Me: I didn't, I swear, I didn't want you to know I felt that way so I didn't think it but now, I really hate you.
JM: Keep pushing we don't quit at the end, this is when we finish strong. Isn't that right?
Me: Yes, drill sergeant!
Me: (the hubs would love that)
JM: butt kicks, work a little harder.
Me: SHUT UP
JM: you can do it. bet you see a huge change in your endurance from day one a week into it.
Me: fuck off, I can barely do this now
JM: boxing, breathing. tight abs. give it everyhting you got.
Me: fucker
JM: 3, 2, 1, no resting jumprope
Me: Bitch
JM: stay strong, this is easy for you, nothing you cant' do. We are doing it with you, in the same boat together, almost done. Hang in there.
Me: pant, pant, pant - don't stop
JM: beautiful, 1 minute bicycle crunches
Me: got it. okay
JM: look at pace, slow, controlled
Me: fuck slow, just need to be done
JM: this works all part of abs, don't get them for free, keep with it...
Me: count down faster you!
JM: time to stretch
Me: Oh praise God.
JM: deep breath into the stretch
Me: What? I'm huffing too hard to take a deep breath.
JM: good job everyone.
Me: whatever, it's over. Time to die... but only for 5 seconds.
SAFE TO READ
For the last 2 days (and I suspect today) I don't know what it means NOT to be sore. I'm convinced that's why I've got such hard words for Ms. Jillian Michaels. The thing is, I need to be yelling back, so I stay home, let everyone not see what a mean person I can be. I can't hire a personal trainer because frankly, I need to be able to express myself if I'm working that hard.
Okay, so I've combined the workout from h e double hockey stick with my points watching through Weight Watchers. That means, fresh ingredients so I have to cook, so I know what I'm eating, etc.
Last night: Parsely crusted cod and wild and long grain brown rice w/broccoli (adapted a recipe I found, let me know if you want me to post it here)
The sandwich had 2 superthin roast beef slices, a little pineapple mustard, sauteed onions, and, cucumber. Different but it worked. I think dill pickles will be best next time.
Personally, I think it's weird I'm having conversations with the Jillian Michaels on the DVD but it makes me wonder, if I ever met her one day, would I let her know I ever wrote this post?
So, my weigh in today is 5'2", 157lbs., and barely making it through Level 1 of the 30 Day Shred Workout. Anyone want to join me?
Cheers! Beck
11 comments:
I think I am interested!! Sounds like something I would like. I need to get back into shape.
that looked yummy...I totally would be interested in a recipe.
Oh my! I laughed so hard I woke up my napping daughter. You sound EXACTLY like me! I actually think I want that DVD now. It sounds hard as hell but that can be a good thing.
Your meals looked really good!!!!
LOL! I had a dance video once (well I still have it, but haven't looked at it for at least a year), and at first her enthusiasm made me enthusiastic. But then it got grating and annoying, and I wanted to slap the smile off her cheerful little face. ;-)
You go girl! Better you than me!
I did the 30 day shred for a while (on exercise tv) - I enjoyed it, but found that my clothing became tighter and my knee really started feeling wacky.
I'm proud of you for committing to something and being accountable to all of your readers! I'm so anxious to see your progress -
I have heard nothing but good about weight watchers. Good luck to you!
Becky, nice to meet you! Thanks for stopping by my blog. Your experience is very much like mine with these tapes and excerice in general. I remember going to cycling class and throwing up afterwards. I felt like dying.
These recipes look great! Steph
Fuck no, I've got a heart condition, thank God. But you go, girl. Do what you gotta do! That fish looks good, btw.
I bought a Pilates DVD with one of those circle resistance thingies several years ago. That thing still kicks my butt (when I do it, that is). Compared to JM, though, it's like a walk in the park.
P stole my thunder! I was going to swear out loud on your blog. I'm pretty pissed about it too...
I'd like to join you but frankly I think you're freaking insane. Why do you want to excersize and get slim and gorgeous?
I'm embracing middle age and letting it all hang out baby. I cannot believe anything that's good for you would cause you to want to wish death on the person who invented it. And that Jillian Michaels is one bad ass bitch. If anyone spoke to you like that in the street you'd punch their lights out.
But since I'm your friend I'll support your crazy hair brained scheme to get fit. From my chair. Sitting on my large booty. And I'll take that recipe too thanks because I'm pretty sure I can add butter to it.
Bloody hell! No way can that be good for you. Never mind the exercise, the stress the silly cow is bringing on will bring on a heart attack.
If the choice is that or embrace my blubber, bring on the chocs!
I ordered the DVD and am going to giveit a go. My goal is not so much to lose weight but to get into shape. i have a 2.5 year old and a 10m old and I just want to return to old form and get rid of my muffin top. My goal is is to just work out! It is hard to do with the kiddos around!
I have that evil DVD. My cousin (insane) liked it and thought I might too.... WTH?? So I tried it once and stopped because I didn't like Jillian yelling at me like that.
Maybe I should start again. I tell you what. I will do it tomorrow. All the way through.
You gonna do it? I'll do it with you. We can later email each other and whoever has the most creative derogatory term for Miss Michaels can have a cupcake. Sounds good to me. LOL! I really do promise to do it tomorrow, though.
Maybe we could do a thing where each day that we don't do it we have to send the other a fat quarter. We could keep track for a month. Do you trust me??? This is the internet after all.... :0)
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